Fear of failing

It’s been a little while since I left full-time employment to focus on my creative writing for a while and I’ve made a few discoveries. The first was that it’s remarkably easy to find other things to do when you are trying to write – I’ve set up this website and started fundraising for Macmillan for example.

However, I have managed to write five short stories and one poem so far since I took the plunge. That’s about 10,000 words, or so. It’s not a huge amount as it breaks down to about 3000 words a month, but of course I do a lot of editing and redrafting and sometimes life gets in the way. I’m planning to increase the amount I write each month and have downloaded Scrivener and signed up for a one-week writer’s retreat next month to work towards this.

I’ve also discovered that rejection still hurts, damn it all, even if you are old, wise and know that it is statistically extremely likely and ABSOLUTELY not personal. So far, I’ve been entering short story competitions because it gives me a deadline to work towards (this is by far the best way of motivating myself that I’ve found). I’ve had two fail to get anywhere so far.

Disconsolately Googling something like ‘discouraging entering writing competitions’ I came across this excellent blog post by Rachael Dunlop from a couple of years ago which had a bracing effect and persuaded me to keep going. As she says, it’s a numbers game.

So I’ve decided to continue to enter competitions, trying to choose them as carefully as I can but to start sending short stories to magazines as well, to give myself better odds of publication. I should end up with at least ten complete short stories, by the end of the six to nine month period I’ve promised myself for writing, even if none are published during that time it will be more than I’ve ever achieved before in terms of writing fiction.

I’ve also decided to become more organised since I realised I was already losing track of where and when I had submitted work, and came across another excellent blog by Jo Bell talking about this very problem, this time for poets but it’s applicable to any writer who is submitting work.

To get more feedback on my writing and learn from others who are on the same journey. I’ve joined a writing group in East London where we’re currently reading each other’s stories and novel extracts (it’s my turn this weekend) and I have also started an Open University course for creative writing which gave me the helpful suggestion to take a writing notebook everywhere I went.

I’m using Notes for this on my iPhone as I am the kind of person that clutches a phone everywhere she goes, not a notebook. Already, I’ve found this works as a way to collect and remember random ideas and scenes some of which might spark something off later.

I’ve just finished reading Serious Sweet by A.L. Kennedy and Meg, one of the two main protagonists, keeps a notebook describing encounters she’s had – or just little scenes she’s glimpsed – in London. The cumulative effect of these throughout the novel builds up into a portrait of the city and its people. I suspect these vignettes of London life probably began as a writer’s notebook, although I could certainly be wrong. I’ve never had the patience to keep a diary but a notebook seems manageable.

So in conclusion, keep writing, keep sending things off (because why not?) and be organised about it, use a notebook and join a writers’ group are the things I’ve learned so far. And try not to be afraid!

Photo credit Morguefile http://morguefile.com/creative/kakisky

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